The first memory : Who are the Jews ?

I was born in a catholic family, and they were attached to christian rituals such as baptism, communion, christmas.

I would say that my father were more into christianity than my mother. I remember her saying that she was sent to a christian school with nons when she was very young and that it was very strict, since she has developped a feeling of rejection about every sort of religion.

My father was raised in the countryside where school was run by the priest of the village and where all families were religious. He wanted to transmit that to his children, so did he with me !

He sent me to Cathecism and it's where I discovered who were the Jews, in the Old Testament. For me there was no reason but to believe in that, of course the teacher would spend more time explaining who was Jesus and what he did, but he said Jesus was a Jew so I should just concentrate on what a Jew is supposed to be and is supposed to do, logic, isn't it ?

This is were I learnt about the Patriarchs, the Matriarchs and the Giving of the Torah.

Many times the teacher had to call my father because I made some troubles claiming that I didn't want to learn the New testament... I guess it's called youth rebellion.

I didn't believe in Christianity but at the same time I only knew this religion, my family celebrated Christmas, Easter etc. I considered myself Christian so I stuck into it!

When I reached the age of communion, I accepted to do it because my father wanted me to, and because I thought it was good to do it, I was more interested in the party and the gifts than the ceremony itself ! Great meals, great music, lots of money : perfect for a teenager !

After that I had to pursue christian teaching, I did it one more year but I finally gave up the New Testament to focus on the stories of the Old Testament and I stopped going to church every Sunday morning with my father to be able to read the book at home (pretending studying) but because I became a real trouble maker :p I left Christian class ; For me it was a bunch of lies and especially of liars ! My father was really understanding to let me stop this. But it's where my own troubles started... what am i know ? Christian or not ?

For many many months I tortured myself with questions, I have always been a very spiritual person and always believed in G-d, but I thought by rejecting Jesus and Christianity I would reject G-d Himself because it was what they taught me, it's not G-d only it's G-d with Jesus, with the Virgin. I was lost in spirituality and I needed to find myself, my true myself !

I kept that inside of me too long and I needed to share it with someone so I talked to my bestfriend who was a Muslimah and she said that I should convert to Islam if I didn't believe in Christianity anymore. I knew a little about Islam and I absolutely did not want to be a Muslimah, plus my family would have never accepted that. So until age 12 to 14 I thought I had lost faith in G-d.